i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
