right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
