i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
