i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
