He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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