Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
