Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
