similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
