I just cut my nipple shaving
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
