there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
