I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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