bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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