just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
