3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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