And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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