It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
