clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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