So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
