dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
