the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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