I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
