Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
