Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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