It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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