Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i will never coherently bang her
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
