I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
