Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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