then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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