if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
