Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
