Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
