My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
