Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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