in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
