I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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