Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
