So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
