I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
