There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
