Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
