you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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