I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
