When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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