Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Who died my cat blue again?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
