Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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