My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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