were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
