He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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