It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
