I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
