I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
