I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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